Lost in Translation: Love Edition

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Communication in a couple, a lot of it is non verbal, but we fail to say what is important

 

I was reading a book where the couple was having a discussion somewhere along the lines of:

 

Come over to my place?

What will you do to me?

I promise I won’t try to have sex with you!

Then why should I come?

 

So,  as I always do, I started ruminating and thinking about how communication and more precisely the lack of it affects interpersonal relations.  In the example above, the invitation to spend time together in an intimate setting could have also included the activities he had in mind. The girl being a virgin at the time, he could have obviously drawn a line at anything under the waist for example. I love surprises too, but in such a setting, setting boundaries and making sure expectations are met but not exceeded may be a good idea. You know, like Meatloaf set a boundary about what he could do for love (“Anithing”) and what he couldn’t (“but I won’t do that”).

  So much for vocal communication, and we already know that more than half the signals passed between two people is nonverbal. Problem with that is that while NO means NO (I know, I know, that’s a whole other discussion for another time). A Hand on the thigh or the back of the neck can mean lots of things, most of them different between the person emitting the signal and the one receiving it. You may think the cuddles and hugs may be a sign she likes you sexually and are the limit of what’s possible in public. She, on the other hand may see those as a proof of affection she is able to obtain from any friend around her, regardless of sex and not encroaching on her romantic relationship. Basically, people speaking different languages will lead to misunderstandings and frustration most of the time.

Unfortunately, we live in  a world where asking “where are we going? “ or “where do you see us in 2 months?” are usually the phrases that start a breakup discussion. Why do we prefer to start just doing stuff and wait for a signal to stop rather than just simply say what we want and negotiate with the other person what they can offer?